Would You Know About Me If I Had Died?
The Story that HuffPost, The New York Times, and The Washington Post never printed…mine.
Times are dark and scary amid this global pandemic. Victims have been trapped in their homes, and incidences of domestic abuse have risen across the country. Leaving abuse is terrifying — so is living with it. This is the daily horror of the domestic abuse victim’s life. I know because it was mine for a very long time.
We hear bad news daily about lives lost to COVID-19. We should also hear stories that will make us feel better. The ones that will show others that they have both a chance and a choice to live. Now is the perfect moment to hear about survival and triumph over a silent enemy that we know how to defeat with professional intervention.
Domestic abuse victims are getting ready to flee from their homes as statewide restrictions lift across America. We must help them now by sharing this warning: Do not leave without a safety plan.
Here’s a fact that isn’t shared often enough: up to 75% of abused women who are murdered are killed after they leave their partners — this is true for the first two weeks after leaving abuse as well. I did not know this and it became a hard-learned lesson for me. I am one of the lucky ones who can say “I was injured when I left.”
I wrote a book about my collision with domestic abuse and how difficult it was to extricate myself. It is a cautionary tale that aims to point others away from domestic abuse. It is a guide meant to direct victims towards help when leaving abuse. When I see the books selected for book reviews about domestic abuse victims, they are generally about people who did not make it out with their lives. I worry about the message this leaves behind.
I have written about domestic abuse for HuffPost, I have been interviewed by The New York Times, and I have spoken with reporters from The Washington Post. Not once has any of the information that I shared seen the light of day. I know why I kept the secrets of my abuse hidden behind closed doors for over two decades, but I cannot figure out why the details of my life and escape are stuck behind the closed doors of these publications.
I wonder if you would know about me if I had been killed. But wouldn’t that defeat the entire purpose of being here to tell others how to get out alive?
According to The National Domestic Violence Hotline, one in four women is suffering in silence from domestic abuse right now, every minute 24 people are injured at the hands of their abusers, and every day three more lives are lost to domestic abuse. Could reading my story have helped any of these people? Can it now?
If I can’t get this information out through major distribution channels then I need to get it out through the grassroots that I have access to — you.
You never know whom you are helping when you forward information to friends and family. You never know what a difference you will make by sharing a story on social media about the woman who survived her escape from domestic abuse rather than talking about all the ones who did not.
I hope that my story will become other victim’s stories as well. We may not hear about them as much as others, we may never know their names, but they will join me in the ranks of a group of domestic abuse survivors who got out and lived to tell about it. In the end, that’s all that matters.
If you need help visit: www.thesodafund.org
Read my story on amazon.com: Sparks In Love: A Survivor’s Story
Susan Sparks is a 20-year victim, and 7-year Survivor Of Domestic Abuse (SODA®). She is the author of Sparks in Love, and an Expert Blogger and Subject Matter Expert for multiple digital media sites. She works on select projects with The National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org) — donating a portion of proceeds from every sale of Sparks in Love to both The Hotline and The SODA Fund. Susan dedicates her time to raising awareness of domestic abuse in the hopes that she can prevent others from walking into abuse the way she did, and help others walk out of abuse on a safer path than the one she created for herself.
