When Telling the Truth Could Get You Killed.
What would you look like to the outside world?
I already know. And, you already know. It’s the rest of the world that really needs to get this. Every day they lead stressful, but fairly normal lives. They go home to stressful, but fairly normal homes. We don’t.
One day something happens and we can’t keep our secrets hidden behind closed doors any longer. We are forced to make a decision: Tell the truth and risk our lives, or keep hiding the truth and risk our lives. It’s like the worst game show ever: Pick Door #1 and you might die. Pick Door #2 and you might die. Is there another door?
For the 1-in-4 women and 1-in-7 men who have lived a life of domestic abuse, I can tell you what others have said when we are telling the truth. We are told that we look crazy. We are told that we look like we are on drugs. We are told that we look like we are lying. We are told that we are trying to get better custody or financial decisions during our divorces. Then, we are publicly shamed.
Do you know what is actually going through our minds during these critical moments? It’s like seeing the glass windshield of a car. You take a deep breath and you tell your first truth, “I am a victim of domestic abuse.” The words hang in the air like rocks suspended in time — but you know that they are going to come hurling at you any moment. Then, you wait for the glass to splinter. You wait, and you watch, and you know that it’s going to spider-web out in every direction. You hold your breath, and you feel as if your heart is going to explode. You want to feel relief, but instead, you feel terror. You have no idea what you’ve just done to your own life.
You want the world to come running towards you with arms open wide. You want them to tell you that you are no longer in danger. Instead, you have professionals, and sometimes even family and friends, whom you have trusted and respected your entire life, looking at you with skepticism and doubt. It’s absolutely fu#$%ng unbelievable.
Today I’m here to give you a little bit of peace and a whole lot of validation. If 20,000 calls are being placed to domestic abuse hotlines in the US every day, then someone has to be calling. Well, where are these 20,000 people? Exactly. They are us. We are right here — in your neighborhood, workplace, sitting right next to you in a restaurant, or even at the movies. We are right here, right now, telling the truth and hoping that we will make it out alive. Statistics show that 75% of us will be murdered or injured on the way out. So, I ask you again, what do you think you would look like if telling the truth could get you killed? #NotInOurHomes
